Feed Me | Free Me
I have not eaten a full meal in days.. and no I’m not fasting or on some sadistic diet- the truth is, I haven’t had enough money to eat.
This is probably the most personal and honest story I have ever told. I know it may be hard to believe that the food justice fighting, (self-proclaimed) “Veggie Queen” has not really eaten herself in days, but for many of us it is a situation that is all too familiar and like my father says, “life has a way of making you practice what you preach”.
Perhaps it is simply to protect my Ego that I try so hard to keep up with appearances and never ask for help. I’m sure some people think I have too much pride. Sure, I have friends that would lend a helping hand in a second if I needed one, and my family does as much as they possibly can, but they cannot do everything. I am an adult, fiercely independent, and believe that whether I eat or not is no one’s responsibility but my Own.
I finally worked myself up to ask my Ex to send me some cash but couldn’t follow through..
He called me the next day, “you never sent me your address to send you some money, you said you were hungry.”
“I know.” I replied, “I’ve been busy.”
“Yeah, I guess you were so busy promoting your fundraising campaign to feed the starving babies in Africa that you forgot you were hungry yourself.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks, because he was right.
Somehow I convinced myself that putting the needs of others before my own would drown out the pounding headache I’ve had for days, or the fact that my body ached and I felt weak. Somehow I convinced myself to never complain, to never let others know that I am hurting and to always be a source of strength and positivity. Yet somehow I managed to still break down today when I realized my food stamps did not come through as expected, I had not eaten, was late for work #teachingthebabies and I had $5.00 to my name, $4.50 of which I needed to get back and forth on the subway. I desperately searched my apartment for change.. knowing that anything would have been used up the last time I found myself desperately searching my apartment for change. In the midst of rage and tears I somehow managed to discover a crumpled dollar at the bottom of my bag and thirty minutes later found myself eagerly waiting in line at a McDonalds in the South Bronx for a $1.00 order of french fries.
Talk about a regression…
I felt so awful, and ashamed – as I (not so regretfully) inhaled that small bag of french fries in less than thirty seconds, fast enough for people passing by to give me the *side eye*. I just knew how grumpy I could get when I didn’t eat and I really didn’t want to be mean to the kids, so I did what I felt I had to do. When I walked into the school their little faces lit up! They ran up to me, “Miss Joi.. we didn’t see you, we were afraid we wouldn’t have class today.” They were so excited and eager to see me that for a moment my problems didn’t even exist, but as I walked into the classroom I felt my heart grow heavy and my eyes well up with tears. I wanted to tell them. I wanted to tell them everything. I wanted to tell them that I was hungry, (beyond asking them to save me some grapes from after-school snack) and I wanted to talk about how it was a problem for so many people all over the world, and how we needed to do something about it! But.. I didn’t want them to worry about me, or tell their parents and somehow I would “not be fit to teach..” or felt like they needed to bring me food.
So, I just opened my mouth and asked them the question:
“Are you Free?”
FREE ME
If this is freedom then I want to be more than free.
I’m not waitin’ for nobody to come free me.
No one else has the power or the right.
Freedom is acquired by conquest, not by gift.
If you want it then you have to fight.
I don’t need your permission,
I’m on a mission.
And it’s not only mine,
it’s bigger than me
I’m determined to create the world that I want to see
’cause in reality
I refuse to participate in a society which was not designed with me in mind.
Where we give our power of governance to the “authority”
and learn in schools the mythology that they call “history”
which in reality
is just a made up story.
What they should say, is “Kids.. we had a meeting,
the results are evident although the details are fleeting.
In this meeting we divided up the earth
and decided how much each man’s life would be worth
only we’re a little lazy so you’re gonna have to work.
but don’t worry we’re here to civilize you..
reject us and we’ll criminalize you..
we’ve been socialized to democratize you,
oppress, dominate and marginalize you but..
we’re really here to help so we’ll “christianize” you.”
Who is gonna save your soul now?
Every religion has utilized force to impose it’s will.
They say, “This is the way things should be
and if you don’t agree then you gotta go through me..”
Or Me.. See..
If this is freedom then I want to be MORE than Free.
I’m not waiting for nobody to come free me.
Then there are the hypocrites.
You know the ones who smile in your face
but when you need food or a place to stay and rest your head
are quicker to show you the door
than to offer the floor
let alone a bed.
Holding on so tight to things they don’t even own
Accepting their master’s mentality as their own
just to deal with the emptiness they feel from being alone
and the fear of not having enough
so it’s better to have too much
“As long as I got.. I’m good.”
So many homeless people and empty houses in the hood
So much hungry children and so much food thrown away each day
but if you want to eat then you got to pay..
if you want to live then you got to pay..
if you want to breathe then you got to pay..
and in Europe, if you want to use the bathroom then you got to pay..
Don’t be deceived.
You’ve been programmed to think there is no other way besides consumption and greed.
They invented the concept of money
with the sole purpose of keeping the rich, rich
and the rest of us in debt and HUNGRY.
They even buy up all the water and sell it back
Laughing, smoking cigars as their pockets get fat..
Wake up, People.
If this is Freedom then I want to be More than Free.
I’m not waiting for nobody to come free me.
FEAR is the number #1 Killer of all things, all dreams.
Understand this and you will see that life ain’t always what it seems.
If you love me, FEED ME.
You know what.. FREE ME.
Give me a piece of land and I will grow my own.
I’ll make a home for me and my family
We All Can Go.
But, I’m also prepared to make it alone
because I refuse to participate in a dream that’s not my own.
I refuse to accept what I am given or what I am told.
I’m here to take what’s mind, and I’m through waiting.
NOW is the only time.
I’m taking off my chains you can have them back.
If I was just living for me, I would have a very different life..
but my heart bleeds.
For my brothers and sisters all over the world who are in need.
For the fact that every three seconds a baby dies because they don’t have enough to eat.
And I won’t stop until we all get Free
but that started with the realization
that the only one who could emancipate me..
Is Me.
//
At the end of the poem they applauded and asked, “Can we write our own Free Me Poems?”
“Yes. That is exactly what we are going to do today.”
They wrote the most beautiful poems!!
And as I sit here, eating a hot plate of red beans that I found in the back of my cabinet, and a handful of rice (what my dad calls a “Po Boy Meal”) that is absolutely the only thing that matters. I have no money to my name, no dollar bills (maybe a few euros laying around) but in this moment I have everything that I need. I inspired those kids today and they inspired me. I can’t put a price tag on that.
I know that my situation is temporary, and is the way of the universe to remind me what is important and who I am fighting for.. but for so many this is a permanent since of reality.
It is very real that over 1 billion people on this planet survive on less than $1.00 a day.
I urge you.
As this Food Justice fundraising campaign carries on and you see it on your facebook timeline or twitter feed – you don’t ignore the problems that we all are facing, and why it is so important to come together and establish strong communities and raise strong, independently minded, children.
Do you have a dollar that you can spare?
I am someone you know, or someone you will know.
I’m not asking for help.
“If you have come to help me, then you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
@4free_people
